Wow! I Love What You've Done With The Place.

Before I had kids I was the worst kind of non-parent.  I knew EVERYTHING there was to know about raising kids (well, I knew everything about everything, really).  When I was pregnant with my first, I knew he/she would NEVER sleep in my bed, NEVER take my food off my plate, NEVER throw a temper tantrum in public.  But what I was most sure of was that my walls in my home would be immaculate and free of scribbling of any kind.
     I remember when I had my new, little baby going over to people's homes who had older children and being appalled by coloring on the walls.  "OMG, how could they let this happen?  I would beat my child if they did that!!"  Fortunately for me, and my first born, my son did not color on walls.  Of course he didn't.  I didn't allow him to have crayons unsupervised until he was quite old.  Then, I had a second child and, I got lucky again.  Every once in awhile I would find a line in marker or one little scribble in red, but it was still easy to keep crayons, markers, etc. away from her and my first.  They were little.  Then here comes number three.  By this time I had a 4 year old and a 2 year old who wanted to color LOTS.  So, of course, crayons needed to be a little more accessible than they had in the past.  No problem.  I had a baby.  She wasn't coloring on anything and the other two were well aware that it was not okay.  I am just going to admit right here, I am an idiot and a complete judgmental bitch.  See, third children grow up.  They turn 1, then 2 and before you know it, they are 2 and a half and want to do everything everyone else is doing.  So...Yeah.  Before I knew what hit me, my walls had become the canvas for some beautiful artwork, thanks to my darling baby.  The one who couldn't move at one point, much less color.  Then, much to my chagrin, my first born (who had never drawn on a wall in his life) decided that since it was okay for his baby sister, then it must be okay for him.  BLAH!!!  Now, my lovely house is decorated in preschool art and I have pretty much given up on trying to clean it off.  When they are older, I will clean and repaint.  Maybe I will just replace the walls.  Or, maybe the best idea would be to burn the house down, collect the insurance money and move to Bermuda.  I think I am going with number 3.
    
I will now share with you the art gallery that my walls have become:

  This is at the bottom of my basement stairs.  Notice the ripped drywall as well as the pencil drawing.  2 things here:  FUCK!!  and why the hell would you want to draw on the wall in pencil?  At least pick a cheery color, Dumbass.

Also on the wall going into the basement.  That was not the cheery color I was hoping for.  Orange is ugly and that actually looks closer to Burnt Sienna.  FAIL

Better color, but not great.  I will give this one a passing grade of D+.  Wait.  Is that an Embryo?  Okay, okay.  I will bump it up to a C-.

This was done by my oldest when he was 6.  It is supposed to be a plane flying into a city.  I actually think it looks more like a jacked up helicopter myself.  A for effort, F for Fuck.My.Life.

Said "city".  'Nuff said.

Okay, so I was actually impressed with this one.  I know it is kinda hard to see, but that is a near perfect circle people.  Drawn by a 2 year old.  I don't even think I could have done that with a compass.  A+

So, what have I learned from this?  Well, there are a few things.  1) I am stupid and judgey  2) My kids can't draw  3) I will continue to judge and hate what others do only to eat my words or thoughts or whatever later on down the road because that's what I do best!!!