Is She Drunk??

You know how a lot of times you regret the stupid crap you say, maybe for even years later?  No?  You don't?  Well, I do.  ALL THE TIME.
     This has been going on since I was a wee child and I have never quite learned how to control it.   I have the unique ability to say shit without even thinking about it and then, FOREVER, I will regret it.  It plagues me and I don't even know why.  It's not like people are sitting around, thinking every day about what that dumb bitch said when she was 12, but it FEELS like they are.  And I remember it, so that's all that really matters right?  Sometimes I can keep it at bay, but when I start to have any anxiety over even the smallest things, my thoughts turn to the stupid shit I have said or the faces I have made or the loudness that is my voice and I can't escape, not matter how hard I try.  "I'm not sure about that turtleneck on you.  It kind of makes your face look too round."  "You can have these sunglasses, your head is bigger than mine."  "I was at this sex toy party and..."  Words just seem to spew like vomit from my mouth and I can not stop it.  I even realize when it is happening, but by then it is too late.  The endless amounts of puke escape my lips leaving the taste of bile in my brain for all eternity.
     The worst is when I am drunk and I just can't SHUT THE FUCK UP.  I hear the words, they are nonsense, and then make even less sense once I am sober.  And when I can't remember what was said, OMFG, it is agonizing!!  And I don't know how many times you can tell someone how much their friendship means to you, but I am sure that over the years I have told my friends this too many times.  "You're the best friend I could ever have.  No, ANYONE could ever have.  In the world.  Wait, the solar system.  Scratch that, the galaxy.  What's bigger than the galaxy??  Oh, hold on. <tripping and stumbling>  I know!!  The UNIVERSE!!!"  And I am sure it is always fun for friends to hear this from a mouth that smells like beer and rotting fruit.  So meaningful and heartfelt.  The best though is when I say these types of things right before I start crying and hurling.  That, right there, is the icing on the cake.  "I love you SO much!!  <SOB>  You are the sister I never haaa...<BAAAAARRRFFF>."  Yep.  Naz-T.  The only thing that makes it better is if I get a little puke on someone's shoe as the apology comes out.  "I'm so sorry I got so drunk.  I promise I will never do it again.  I am a terrible person.  I hate myself.  Will you ever forgive me?"  Nobody wants to be around THAT girl.  She is loud, obnoxious and stupid and can't hold her liquor to save her life.
     So why do I stew in my shit and stress over things I say?  Oh yeah!!  Because of shit like that!!