The strangest thing happened the other day. I mean, it was really quite interesting and awesome. I received a guest that I have not seen in, hmmmmm, how long has it been? Two and a half years? Noooooo!!! Really? Has it been that long? Yep, I haven't seen her in about two and a half years!!
So, anyway, I got this knock at the door and, of course, I was afraid it was Sadness. So what did I do? I hid. For days. But the knocking kept on and I tried to ignore it. Really fucking hard. Of course I had to give in eventually and answer the door. Because my curiosity ALWAYS gets the best of me. This time, though, it totally paid off, because right there in front of me was ME!! Not me from now, well the me now, but not the me I was at that moment, but the OLD ME!! ME!! The me I had been missing for so long. The me that I love so much. The fun me. The me that wants to be happy and not feel beat down all the time. The me that wants people to like her, but can get over it when they don't and moves on. THAT me!!
Me: What the FUUUUuuu...??? HOLY SHIT DUDE!!! Where the fuck have you been??!!
OM: What's UUUUUUUUUP??!!! Sorry for checking out for so long. I had to go on a vacay.
Me: Vacay? I, uh, what? I mean, shit. I've missed you!!!
OM: I know guuuuurrrrllll. I have missed you too. There were many times I wanted to come back and hang out. I even packed to come home a few times.
Me: Well, why didn't you? I was INSANE without you!! Like really. REALLY!!! I could have used your support, your advice, your humor.
OM: I know, I know. I totally deserted you, but seriously. Shit got too real up in this bitch. I had to bail. You were always letting Sadness visit and you know how much I hate that bitch. But I am here for you now. Do you forgive me? Will you have me back.
ME: OMFFSMWTFBBQ?? YES!!! I have been lost without you! I had no idea where you were or if I had lost you forever. Are you here for good? Or just a visit? Please say for good. I don't know if I can handle you leaving again.
OM: Well, that kinda depends on you. I want to stay. I love you. But not this mess you have become. I can't be around all that weirdness. You need to get a grip.
Me: On reality? Yes, yes I do. I promise. Oh how I promise! I will try so hard.
OM: Okay, but honey, don't do that shit again. Nothing ever gets so bad that you need to let Sadness take over. That stupid busybody bitch needs to stick her nose somewhere else. As for your anxiety, stop it. Seriously. Stop it. We can work it out together, whatever it is. And I know winter is coming. We can work through that too. We'll figure something out.
Me: <SOB> These are not tears of sorrow, I promise. Thank you. Thank you for coming home.
OM: <Stroking my hair and holding me close> You are welcome. I will try not to let you down again.
And that is how the Old Me came home. She just sort of appeared one day. It's not to say that we haven't had a few bumps here and there, but she has been my voice of reason and always knows the right thing to say. What a shitty few years. But all I can do now is look forward and hope that the Old Me and the Current Me can just become the New Me. Here's to having fun, here's to not taking life too seriously, here's to weathering the storm, and here's to change. Huzzah!!
