Merry Effing Christmas

It is November 10.  The tenth of November.  November.  Why oh why are stores decorated for Christmas and playing Christmas music?  And not Christmas music every few songs.  Like full on, in your face, fucking Christmas music!!!  I had to go out the other day to shop for items totally unrelated to Christmas and suddenly I was slammed with this shite.  It was completely draining.  I mean, Christmas is fine.  At least it's a distraction during a time of year when things are pretty dull and gray, but SERIOUSLY??!!  Can't we just get through November before we are hit over the head with mistletoe and holly?  I swear to Jeebus I almost vomited during my shopping trip.
     Somehow it actually makes me feel even more depressed.  I start to get all clammy and nervous.  I break into a cold sweat.  "Christmas is coming!  Oh shit!  There are only 45 more days to finish my consumerism for the year!!"  Then the anxiety sets in.  UGH!!  What are we going to do for Christmas?  How will we not offend someone?  How do I make myself not feel totally guilty for not visiting this person or that person?  It may actually be THE worst time of the year.  I feel bad too, because I have to keep a brave face for my kids.  I would never ever want them to think I did not love Christmas as much as they do.  They have already been telling me what they want from Santa and how much FUN Christmas is going to be.  Is it so wrong that I just want to get through the grueling holiday that is Thanksgiving before I move on to the totally made up holiday of Christmas?  Which brings me to something else that just chaps my ass.  "Remember the reason for the season."  Buh.  No.  First, I don't believe in that and second, how can someone remember the reason for the season listening to Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You" and being bombarded with "SALE!  SALE!!  SALE!!!"?  And what does buying someone mittens or pajamas or a leather jacket have to do with Jesus?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Absofuckinglutely NOTHING.  Jesus was poor, he hung out with the dregs of the earth.  If he was getting anyone anything for Christmas it was some bread, possibly a goat, maybe some ointment for that mysterious sore on their genitalia.  Not a new Bocce set.  "Oh, thank you Jesus!!  I was hoping for a new console trash can!!  It is just what I needed!"  Yeah, I think Christ would have been a little more practical.
     I hate feeling this way.  I used to love Christmas.  Desserts out the ass.  Fire in the fireplace.  The families used to get together and play fun games.  I got to see my aunts and uncles and cousins and my grandparents always made everything so wonderful.  Now it feels like I begin dreading the next Christmas as soon as the current one is through.  So please, PLEASE, chill out with the holiday fucking cheer.  I don't know how much I can take before I go postal...