November, Why Don't You Blow Me.

Aaaahhhh...Fall.  What a beautiful time of year.  The air is crisp, the leaves are showing their many beautiful colors.  Pretty, pretty.  Except that, I absolutely HATE Fall with a passion.
     Before you go being all judgey and lame and saying, "Fall is beautiful!  How can you not like Fall?  Do you have no soul, you heartless bitch?", let me explain.  I do think Fall is beautiful (sort of), the weather can be nice (maybe), but I become VERY depressed in the Fall.  Especially in November when the sky looks like it is gonna open up and swallow me whole.  I have a feeling of impending doom every day of Fall, even more so than Winter.  I cry all the time.  I hate everyone.  That's just no good for anyone.  I even remember when I was a kid, looking at pictures of the first Thanksgiving and thinking, "Those poor bastards.  What a shitty time of year to be celebrating ANYTHING!".  I would imagine the Pilgrims in their stupid buckle hats, eating their dinner under a gray and depressing sky.  You know that sky.  The one that looks like it could rain, but also like the sun kinda wants to come out, but can't.  Fucking Fall.  Fucking November. 
     Now, winter is depressing too, but in a different way.  Right after Thanksgiving, I start to perk up a little.  We put up our secular Christmas tree, listen to lame ass Christmas music and somehow try to recapture the happiness from our youth.  But, as soon as the holidays are over, BLAM!!!!  Nothing.  No joy, no happiness, only cloudy skies with a possibility of snow.  And the snow is a sneaky ass bastard too.  He is like the unwelcome date rapist.  You think you are having a good time, but then he goes too far.  "No, PLEASE!!  No means NO!!  NO MORE SNOW!!"  Does he care?  No, he just keeps dumping his white excrement all over everything, laughing at his destruction.  When this happens, I tend to drink.  The more it snows, the drunker I get.  At least then I am warm and I can kinda laugh at it.   
     I only really start to feel sane around the end of March, and I use the word "sane" loosely.  March is still cold, windy as hell and just not cheery enough to bring me completely out of my wintry blues.  I don't think I start to feel even remotely "normal" until summer time.  I have decided that I should just get it over with and move closer to the equator.  Fall and Winter wouldn't miss me.  There are plenty of other date rape victims out there.