Duelling Banjos Anyone?

     I have been giving something A LOT of thought, probably for, oh I don't know, 5 years maybe.  You know how "mountain people" are kinda crazy and do weird shit and are just the teeniest, tiniest bit scary?  Yeah, I think I am starting to understand how and why they become that way.
     I moved to the Kuntry from a very populated area about 5 years ago.  Of course, I did it for the kids.  I hate kuntry life.  I would much rather live in the city, not have a car, be a total snob.  Or be stabbed in the eye with a number 2 pencil.  Whichever.  Anyway, we moved here and for the first couple of years really liked it, mostly because we didn't change anything we did, just the location we lived.  I kept the same doctors, same dentist, shopped at the same stores from whence I came.  And then...ECONOMY.  Once the economy tanked, I really had to think about where I was putting my money and GAS just kinda took a backseat to important stuff, like food and clothing for my children.  I know, stupid kids always wanting to eat and shit.  What are they thinking when Mama needs to get outta town?  Anyway, I hadn't realized until then that I had never become accustomed to my new home really and also failed to realize how much I just wasn't at home.  And now, I didn't have much choice but to be home ALL THE FUCKING TIME.  So, slowly but surely, I started to go a little bit wacko.  It wasn't apparent at first.  Just little things here and there.  Too much time watching TV.  A little more time on the internet.  Less time outside.  Eventually I got to a point where I could see how someone would become an agoraphobic, an affliction I have made fun of on many occasions.  After becoming batshit crazy, anxious about leaving the house and observing myself outside of myself for the past year, I have decided that the "mountain people" are just crazy from sheer boredom.  That and maybe a little inbreeding.  They don't have anything better to do than be crazy shitheads.  I mean, seriously.  What the hell else are they gonna do?  A friend of mine told me about a family in West Virginia that are totally fuckin' nutso and took the body of a dead relative out for one last drink.  Yeah, Fo.Realz.  One of the brothers goes around town and does funky little jigs in his bare feet and overalls.  At one time I could laugh at this, now I just see it as my not so distant future.
     Okay, so I don't REALLY live on a mountain.  I technically live in the valley.  And I DO have neighbors.  Some are better than others.  But 'round these parts, the loudest people are the ignorant assholes and it is hard to hear the liberals, or or at least the people who don't care what others do.  So, here I am in Jeebus Kuntry with no gas, VERY few friends, knowing very little about the area in which I reside because I have never really let myself get used to it.  This is the perfect recipe for INSANITY.  I shit you not.  If you would like to go insane, even the slightest bit, move to the kuntry, cut yourself off from the outside world, only talk to people through the internet and do the same exact things every day of your life for the rest of your life and I PROMISE, insanity will not be far off.  Oh, and one more thing, buy a banjo.  It will be the best purchase you ever make.