The strangest thing happened the other day. I mean, it was really quite interesting and awesome. I received a guest that I have not seen in, hmmmmm, how long has it been? Two and a half years? Noooooo!!! Really? Has it been that long? Yep, I haven't seen her in about two and a half years!!
So, anyway, I got this knock at the door and, of course, I was afraid it was Sadness. So what did I do? I hid. For days. But the knocking kept on and I tried to ignore it. Really fucking hard. Of course I had to give in eventually and answer the door. Because my curiosity ALWAYS gets the best of me. This time, though, it totally paid off, because right there in front of me was ME!! Not me from now, well the me now, but not the me I was at that moment, but the OLD ME!! ME!! The me I had been missing for so long. The me that I love so much. The fun me. The me that wants to be happy and not feel beat down all the time. The me that wants people to like her, but can get over it when they don't and moves on. THAT me!!
Me: What the FUUUUuuu...??? HOLY SHIT DUDE!!! Where the fuck have you been??!!
OM: What's UUUUUUUUUP??!!! Sorry for checking out for so long. I had to go on a vacay.
Me: Vacay? I, uh, what? I mean, shit. I've missed you!!!
OM: I know guuuuurrrrllll. I have missed you too. There were many times I wanted to come back and hang out. I even packed to come home a few times.
Me: Well, why didn't you? I was INSANE without you!! Like really. REALLY!!! I could have used your support, your advice, your humor.
OM: I know, I know. I totally deserted you, but seriously. Shit got too real up in this bitch. I had to bail. You were always letting Sadness visit and you know how much I hate that bitch. But I am here for you now. Do you forgive me? Will you have me back.
ME: OMFFSMWTFBBQ?? YES!!! I have been lost without you! I had no idea where you were or if I had lost you forever. Are you here for good? Or just a visit? Please say for good. I don't know if I can handle you leaving again.
OM: Well, that kinda depends on you. I want to stay. I love you. But not this mess you have become. I can't be around all that weirdness. You need to get a grip.
Me: On reality? Yes, yes I do. I promise. Oh how I promise! I will try so hard.
OM: Okay, but honey, don't do that shit again. Nothing ever gets so bad that you need to let Sadness take over. That stupid busybody bitch needs to stick her nose somewhere else. As for your anxiety, stop it. Seriously. Stop it. We can work it out together, whatever it is. And I know winter is coming. We can work through that too. We'll figure something out.
Me: <SOB> These are not tears of sorrow, I promise. Thank you. Thank you for coming home.
OM: <Stroking my hair and holding me close> You are welcome. I will try not to let you down again.
And that is how the Old Me came home. She just sort of appeared one day. It's not to say that we haven't had a few bumps here and there, but she has been my voice of reason and always knows the right thing to say. What a shitty few years. But all I can do now is look forward and hope that the Old Me and the Current Me can just become the New Me. Here's to having fun, here's to not taking life too seriously, here's to weathering the storm, and here's to change. Huzzah!!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
A Love Letter
Dear 37 Year Old Body,
When I first sat down to write this, I was totally prepared to bitch you out for failing me. My leg hurts, my back hurts, I feel exhausted and depressed. But, then something hit me and made me think differently. If I blame you for the way I feel, then I am refusing to take responsibility for my actions and choices that have led to your deterioration. So, really, I need to thank you.
Thank you so much for allowing me to be overweight for so many years and then lose the weight quickly with very little issue.
Thank you for not being overly upset for smoking and drinking for so long and thank you for being patient with me while I kicked smoking, not once, but twice. That was really kind of you.
Thank you for being able to carry my three children to term and recovering so well after two cesareans. And awesome job pushing the third one out after 3 days of labor. I was in total awe of your power. I didn't know you had it in you.
Thank you so much for helping me get two half marathons and one full marathon under my belt, despite the fact that I was old to start a new sport, probably pushed you way too hard during training and did not always listen to you when you were telling me to slow down.
Thank you for still being able to walk, see and hear. I know that some people can not and I am grateful to have those abilities.
Thank you for not (so far) having some type of cancer, even though I have given you every reason to do so. I will try harder to not raise my chances.
Finally, thank you for just being you. You never complain about me, even though I complain plenty about you and you always seem to bounce back from most trials I throw at you.
Body, you rock and I love you. I will try not to blame you for all of my shortcomings from now on. I want to do right by you and give you back all that you have given me. Oh, one more thing. Please don't die. I am not ready for that.
Yours Forever,
ApparentlyATotalB
When I first sat down to write this, I was totally prepared to bitch you out for failing me. My leg hurts, my back hurts, I feel exhausted and depressed. But, then something hit me and made me think differently. If I blame you for the way I feel, then I am refusing to take responsibility for my actions and choices that have led to your deterioration. So, really, I need to thank you.
Thank you so much for allowing me to be overweight for so many years and then lose the weight quickly with very little issue.
Thank you for not being overly upset for smoking and drinking for so long and thank you for being patient with me while I kicked smoking, not once, but twice. That was really kind of you.
Thank you for being able to carry my three children to term and recovering so well after two cesareans. And awesome job pushing the third one out after 3 days of labor. I was in total awe of your power. I didn't know you had it in you.
Thank you so much for helping me get two half marathons and one full marathon under my belt, despite the fact that I was old to start a new sport, probably pushed you way too hard during training and did not always listen to you when you were telling me to slow down.
Thank you for still being able to walk, see and hear. I know that some people can not and I am grateful to have those abilities.
Thank you for not (so far) having some type of cancer, even though I have given you every reason to do so. I will try harder to not raise my chances.
Finally, thank you for just being you. You never complain about me, even though I complain plenty about you and you always seem to bounce back from most trials I throw at you.
Body, you rock and I love you. I will try not to blame you for all of my shortcomings from now on. I want to do right by you and give you back all that you have given me. Oh, one more thing. Please don't die. I am not ready for that.
Yours Forever,
ApparentlyATotalB
Friday, July 1, 2011
What?
<ringring>
Me: Hello?
Hubby: Um, where the hell are you?
Me: Uuuuuhhhh, getting dinner? Hellllooooo.
Hubby: <clearing throat> Since when does dinner take 3 hours to go get??
Me: 4. 4 hours, honey. <out the window> PICK A FUCKING LANE, YOU COCKSUCKING DOUCHE!! Sorry, babe. 4 hours. I am not there yet.
Hubby: Huh? Okaaaaayyyyyy...would you mind telling me where the hell you are going? The kids have been waiting for over THREE HOURS FOR THEIR DINNER!!
Me: Dude, chill out! I am on 78. I will be in NYC in a little over an hour.
Hubby: ...
Hubby: I...what?...What.THE.FUCK???
Me: What?
Hubby: NYC?? As in New York FUCKING City?? What? Huh? WHY??!!
Me: What is wrong with you? Everyone knows that the best Chinese food comes from New York. Jesus. Do I have to explain everything?
Hubby: WE HAVE A CHINESE RESTAURANT IN TOWN!!!
Me: I know, but I have become bored of that place. The food is always kind of bland. Have you noticed that? The blandness? I just thought we needed a change. Something exciting. And really, we should be taking advantage of the fact that New York is so close.
Hubby: CLOSE? Close to visit, maybe, but not for TAKE OUT!!!
Me: Could you please stop yelling. I am totally trying to pay attention to the road. You know loud noises distract me and make me feel all crazy inside.
Hubby: Okay, okay. <exhaling slowly> I KNOW that every once in awhile people need to buy the farm. I get it. BUT, there are like 1, 2, 3....Oh about SIX MILLION CHINESE RESTAURANTS BETWEEN HERE AND NEW YORK!! Could you have NOT PICKED ONE OF THOSE????!!!! MOTHERFUCK!
Me: Seriously? Are you really going to keep yelling at me like that while I am driving? Because it could really cause me to get into an accident and die. So, since it is clear that you can not see past the end of your nose, I will have to call you when I am on the way back. Give the kids a little snacky and I will see you in about 6. Peace!
Hubby: GODDAMNIT, MOTHERF...
<click>
Me: Hello?
Hubby: Um, where the hell are you?
Me: Uuuuuhhhh, getting dinner? Hellllooooo.
Hubby: <clearing throat> Since when does dinner take 3 hours to go get??
Me: 4. 4 hours, honey. <out the window> PICK A FUCKING LANE, YOU COCKSUCKING DOUCHE!! Sorry, babe. 4 hours. I am not there yet.
Hubby: Huh? Okaaaaayyyyyy...would you mind telling me where the hell you are going? The kids have been waiting for over THREE HOURS FOR THEIR DINNER!!
Me: Dude, chill out! I am on 78. I will be in NYC in a little over an hour.
Hubby: ...
Hubby: I...what?...What.THE.FUCK???
Me: What?
Hubby: NYC?? As in New York FUCKING City?? What? Huh? WHY??!!
Me: What is wrong with you? Everyone knows that the best Chinese food comes from New York. Jesus. Do I have to explain everything?
Hubby: WE HAVE A CHINESE RESTAURANT IN TOWN!!!
Me: I know, but I have become bored of that place. The food is always kind of bland. Have you noticed that? The blandness? I just thought we needed a change. Something exciting. And really, we should be taking advantage of the fact that New York is so close.
Hubby: CLOSE? Close to visit, maybe, but not for TAKE OUT!!!
Me: Could you please stop yelling. I am totally trying to pay attention to the road. You know loud noises distract me and make me feel all crazy inside.
Hubby: Okay, okay. <exhaling slowly> I KNOW that every once in awhile people need to buy the farm. I get it. BUT, there are like 1, 2, 3....Oh about SIX MILLION CHINESE RESTAURANTS BETWEEN HERE AND NEW YORK!! Could you have NOT PICKED ONE OF THOSE????!!!! MOTHERFUCK!
Me: Seriously? Are you really going to keep yelling at me like that while I am driving? Because it could really cause me to get into an accident and die. So, since it is clear that you can not see past the end of your nose, I will have to call you when I am on the way back. Give the kids a little snacky and I will see you in about 6. Peace!
Hubby: GODDAMNIT, MOTHERF...
<click>
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Oh Fuckin' Hell, Really, Can't You Just Get The Fuck Out?
<knock knock knock>
Me: <mumbling> Who the fuck is knocking on my door? Fuck it. I am not expecting anyone. Maybe they will leave.
<knockknockknock>
Me: <whispering> justleavejustleavejustleave
<KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK>
Me: <hissing> what the fuck? <sliding across floor, peeking through blinds> FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
Sadness: YOOHOO!!! <knockityknockknock> Hellllooooooo!! Darling Dear?
Me: Shitshitshitshit <opening door>
Sadness: OH!! Here you are!! Look at you, my little pigeon! It has been too long!!
Me: Really? It feels like you were just here yesterday.
Sadness: Well, no dear. It has been a whole 6 months!! That seems like forever and a day! What are you doing with yourself? <barges in, nearly knocking my eye out with her garment bag>
Me: Um, let's see...I guess the usual. Moving things around making it seem like I am cleaning, taking a shower only when I start to offend myself, thinking of taking up a meth habit. You?
Sadness: Thinking about you, of course!! I just felt this force calling me here. You need me!!
Me: No, really I don't. I am fine on my own. Do you think we could do this some other time?
Sadness: Silly girl! There is no time like the present!! Let's get to it.
Me: No, really. I don't want to get to anything except maybe living a little. I really, REALLY can't do this now. Now about that meth habit...I need to do some research on the internetz.
Sadness: You don't want me here? But we have always had lovely visits! Remember last time? We did everything together!!
Me: Yeah, um, well...that's kinda the problem. See, you bring me the fuck down. I don't really like you. You never let me get anything done and you are such a fucking narcissist. I can't stand it. The worst thing is, you embarrass me in public and I don't want to be seen with you. How can I make you go away?
Sadness: Bwahahahahahaha!!! Make me go away? You really are so cute!! You can't MAKE me go away!! I come and go as I please! Showing up unannounced is part of the fun and adds an element of surprise! Aren't you surprised?? Alarmed even? See how FUN that is?
Me: Only if FUN is an acronym for Fucking Unbelievably Narcissistic.
Sadness: Hahahaha!! I love you! You make me laugh!
Me: ...
Me: Look, I hate you. How much more clear can I be? I.HATE.YOU. So, stay if you like, but I am going to pretend like you are not here. I will ignore you. I will block you out. I have a force field around me, protecting me from you. And don't even think about asking me to go running or to join me in any other activity I enjoy. No you may not. Are we clear??
Sadness: This sounds pretty important to you. But I can't leave. I have nowhere else to be at the present, so I can't leave until my time is up. I promise, you won't even know I am here. I will just sit in this corner here. See?
Me: You need to shut the fuck up, too. No talking. At all.
Sadness: <makes a zipping lip motion>
Me: Uh huh. Okay, I am going to clean up toys. <sideways glance> Leave me alone.
Sadness: <nodding> Mmhmm. Mkay.
Me: <pointing> I got both eyes on you, fucker. One false move...and I will cut your ass.
Sadness: <blank stare>
Me: Okay, sit there. I'll be back...
Me: <mumbling> Who the fuck is knocking on my door? Fuck it. I am not expecting anyone. Maybe they will leave.
<knockknockknock>
Me: <whispering> justleavejustleavejustleave
<KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK>
Me: <hissing> what the fuck? <sliding across floor, peeking through blinds> FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
Sadness: YOOHOO!!! <knockityknockknock> Hellllooooooo!! Darling Dear?
Me: Shitshitshitshit <opening door>
Sadness: OH!! Here you are!! Look at you, my little pigeon! It has been too long!!
Me: Really? It feels like you were just here yesterday.
Sadness: Well, no dear. It has been a whole 6 months!! That seems like forever and a day! What are you doing with yourself? <barges in, nearly knocking my eye out with her garment bag>
Me: Um, let's see...I guess the usual. Moving things around making it seem like I am cleaning, taking a shower only when I start to offend myself, thinking of taking up a meth habit. You?
Sadness: Thinking about you, of course!! I just felt this force calling me here. You need me!!
Me: No, really I don't. I am fine on my own. Do you think we could do this some other time?
Sadness: Silly girl! There is no time like the present!! Let's get to it.
Me: No, really. I don't want to get to anything except maybe living a little. I really, REALLY can't do this now. Now about that meth habit...I need to do some research on the internetz.
Sadness: You don't want me here? But we have always had lovely visits! Remember last time? We did everything together!!
Me: Yeah, um, well...that's kinda the problem. See, you bring me the fuck down. I don't really like you. You never let me get anything done and you are such a fucking narcissist. I can't stand it. The worst thing is, you embarrass me in public and I don't want to be seen with you. How can I make you go away?
Sadness: Bwahahahahahaha!!! Make me go away? You really are so cute!! You can't MAKE me go away!! I come and go as I please! Showing up unannounced is part of the fun and adds an element of surprise! Aren't you surprised?? Alarmed even? See how FUN that is?
Me: Only if FUN is an acronym for Fucking Unbelievably Narcissistic.
Sadness: Hahahaha!! I love you! You make me laugh!
Me: ...
Me: Look, I hate you. How much more clear can I be? I.HATE.YOU. So, stay if you like, but I am going to pretend like you are not here. I will ignore you. I will block you out. I have a force field around me, protecting me from you. And don't even think about asking me to go running or to join me in any other activity I enjoy. No you may not. Are we clear??
Sadness: This sounds pretty important to you. But I can't leave. I have nowhere else to be at the present, so I can't leave until my time is up. I promise, you won't even know I am here. I will just sit in this corner here. See?
Me: You need to shut the fuck up, too. No talking. At all.
Sadness: <makes a zipping lip motion>
Me: Uh huh. Okay, I am going to clean up toys. <sideways glance> Leave me alone.
Sadness: <nodding> Mmhmm. Mkay.
Me: <pointing> I got both eyes on you, fucker. One false move...and I will cut your ass.
Sadness: <blank stare>
Me: Okay, sit there. I'll be back...
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Thanks For Your Help, Douchebag
I am making some new rules for people to live by. Why? Because I think that there are some things people do that they shouldn't. These are things that anyone with common sense would automatically NOT do, but apparently, some people need a rule. And because they bother me. And I count more than anyone in the world because I am the most important.
1. If you have a hairy back and you feel that it is necessary to wear a tank top, for whatever reason, please, I beg of you, shave or wax your back. Just do it. Seriously. Also, think about doing the legs too if you are wearing running shorts that show most of your ass. Thank you, and America thanks you.
2. When you are shopping for cologne or perfume, make sure that the scent you pick out can not in any way, shape or form be mistaken for the scent that is used in a Porta Potty to mask the smell of piss and shit. If you think that there is even a tiny possibility that it could, walk on by. There are plenty of other colognes out there that do not.
3. If someone asks you a question, like let's say, "Is that coffee place open across the street?", and you think their question is stupid because it is 6:30 a.m. on a Sunday, keep it to your fucking self. Maybe they live in the country where everything opens at 2 on Sundays and they aren't used to the fancy, big city. Also, maybe they are not used to getting up at 4:30 in the morning and didn't think about the fact that it was Sunday or so early. And hey, if you are going to make fun of their idiocy, could you at least have the decency to tell them what IS open, because there were plenty of other places that were, you fucking DOUCHE. But thank you to the nice lady who DID offer me some information. I wouldn't want to seem ungrateful.
Anyway...moving on.
4. If you do work in said coffee shop and have to be there on a Sunday at some redonkulous time, try to have a smile on your face. Try to be helpful. And seriously? Move the fuck out of the way so the customers can see what kind of bagels you are offering. "What kind of bagel do you want? Oh, I am not going to move. I am just going to STAND HERE IN YOUR WAY." Look, no one wants to be up at that hour. Even me, and I was doing something fun!! So just...yeah. Get it together and be happy to have a job. Many people do not.
So, that's all I got right now, but I am sure I will be adding to my list. It's not hard to find new rules when you are so easily irritated by people. And by people, I mean others. To be continued...
1. If you have a hairy back and you feel that it is necessary to wear a tank top, for whatever reason, please, I beg of you, shave or wax your back. Just do it. Seriously. Also, think about doing the legs too if you are wearing running shorts that show most of your ass. Thank you, and America thanks you.
2. When you are shopping for cologne or perfume, make sure that the scent you pick out can not in any way, shape or form be mistaken for the scent that is used in a Porta Potty to mask the smell of piss and shit. If you think that there is even a tiny possibility that it could, walk on by. There are plenty of other colognes out there that do not.
3. If someone asks you a question, like let's say, "Is that coffee place open across the street?", and you think their question is stupid because it is 6:30 a.m. on a Sunday, keep it to your fucking self. Maybe they live in the country where everything opens at 2 on Sundays and they aren't used to the fancy, big city. Also, maybe they are not used to getting up at 4:30 in the morning and didn't think about the fact that it was Sunday or so early. And hey, if you are going to make fun of their idiocy, could you at least have the decency to tell them what IS open, because there were plenty of other places that were, you fucking DOUCHE. But thank you to the nice lady who DID offer me some information. I wouldn't want to seem ungrateful.
Anyway...moving on.
4. If you do work in said coffee shop and have to be there on a Sunday at some redonkulous time, try to have a smile on your face. Try to be helpful. And seriously? Move the fuck out of the way so the customers can see what kind of bagels you are offering. "What kind of bagel do you want? Oh, I am not going to move. I am just going to STAND HERE IN YOUR WAY." Look, no one wants to be up at that hour. Even me, and I was doing something fun!! So just...yeah. Get it together and be happy to have a job. Many people do not.
So, that's all I got right now, but I am sure I will be adding to my list. It's not hard to find new rules when you are so easily irritated by people. And by people, I mean others. To be continued...
Friday, May 13, 2011
5 Things I Hate More Than Pinkeye
I hate pinkeye. It is seriously so disgusting and whenever my kids get it, I want to run away. So, when my son's eyes swelled from his allergies, I immediately rushed him to Urgent Care to get him some drops. Not dealing with the doo doo eye.
On my way, I was trying to decide what could possibly be worse than Poopy Eye. Not much, but I came up with a list of five.
5. Christine McVie. That bitch is annoying. Her voice makes me want to stick broken glass in my eye just to hear myself scream. However, "Songbird" is an exception to the rule, but not a big enough one to make her better than Shitty Eye.
4. Stepping on a thumbtack. I struggled with this one because pinkeye lasts longer than the stick of a tack. But, feeling the metal of a thumbtack enter your foot and then having to pull it out again, only to feel that metal hit the same spots, really smarts and leaves a forever memory. Especially if it has happened more than once.
3. Being in a full body cast. This has never happened to me, but I would definitely rather have pinkeye than have to endure one day in a full body cast. Pretty self explanatory.
2. All of The Supremes, but mostly Diana Ross. I don't need to elaborate. I just hate them. Sue me, fuckers.
And finally...
1. Strep. I wish we had Pinkeye.
On my way, I was trying to decide what could possibly be worse than Poopy Eye. Not much, but I came up with a list of five.
5. Christine McVie. That bitch is annoying. Her voice makes me want to stick broken glass in my eye just to hear myself scream. However, "Songbird" is an exception to the rule, but not a big enough one to make her better than Shitty Eye.
4. Stepping on a thumbtack. I struggled with this one because pinkeye lasts longer than the stick of a tack. But, feeling the metal of a thumbtack enter your foot and then having to pull it out again, only to feel that metal hit the same spots, really smarts and leaves a forever memory. Especially if it has happened more than once.
3. Being in a full body cast. This has never happened to me, but I would definitely rather have pinkeye than have to endure one day in a full body cast. Pretty self explanatory.
2. All of The Supremes, but mostly Diana Ross. I don't need to elaborate. I just hate them. Sue me, fuckers.
And finally...
1. Strep. I wish we had Pinkeye.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
You Scared The CRAP Outta Me!!
Dear Retail Therapy,
Today I went on a journey. A journey to find that thing that I saw at the mall two weeks ago. You know, that perfect thing to make me feel better about myself and lift me up. A little boost. A nice fuzzy blanket to keep me warm and cozy. A fluffy cloud to lay on. Yep, that thing.
Unfortunately, when I found that thing and tried it on, it did not make me feel better. It was ill fitting and did not flatter my body in the least. No matter. I knew you wouldn't let me down, seeing what a faithful friend you have been all these years. You would never let me down. Right?
Well, you almost did. You allowed me to wander aimlessly around the mall, searching for that perfect little something, didn't you? You let me think that I would never find something, anything, to give me a little pep in my step. You laughed as I was near tears, rifling through the racks, trying to locate a token of your appreciation for me. And then, while I was down, you kicked me a couple of times.
But, miraculously, you pulled it together and came through. There on that last rack, right next to the exit, I found it. A sale item that was pretty enough to pull me out of my shit. It was flattering, feminine and only $13.00. It was proof that you hadn't lost your touch.
However, if you ever do that to me again, I will FUCK YOU UP! No, bitch. I don't want to hear your excuses. You acted like a cunt and I swear to HOLY CHRIST, if you ever, EVER treat me that way again, I will cut your ass!! I will pull your Goddamn hair out strand by strand. Then I will make you eat that shit after I have pummeled your smug, little, pig face. Ever seen Fight Club? Yeah, bitch, that'll be you.
In closing, I would like you to know that I still love you. I kinda want to beat your ass a little still, but I do love you. You have pulled me out of some rough spots and I will never forget that. I hope that we will always be the best of friends.
Your Forever Lover,
ApparentlyATotalB
Today I went on a journey. A journey to find that thing that I saw at the mall two weeks ago. You know, that perfect thing to make me feel better about myself and lift me up. A little boost. A nice fuzzy blanket to keep me warm and cozy. A fluffy cloud to lay on. Yep, that thing.
Unfortunately, when I found that thing and tried it on, it did not make me feel better. It was ill fitting and did not flatter my body in the least. No matter. I knew you wouldn't let me down, seeing what a faithful friend you have been all these years. You would never let me down. Right?
Well, you almost did. You allowed me to wander aimlessly around the mall, searching for that perfect little something, didn't you? You let me think that I would never find something, anything, to give me a little pep in my step. You laughed as I was near tears, rifling through the racks, trying to locate a token of your appreciation for me. And then, while I was down, you kicked me a couple of times.
But, miraculously, you pulled it together and came through. There on that last rack, right next to the exit, I found it. A sale item that was pretty enough to pull me out of my shit. It was flattering, feminine and only $13.00. It was proof that you hadn't lost your touch.
However, if you ever do that to me again, I will FUCK YOU UP! No, bitch. I don't want to hear your excuses. You acted like a cunt and I swear to HOLY CHRIST, if you ever, EVER treat me that way again, I will cut your ass!! I will pull your Goddamn hair out strand by strand. Then I will make you eat that shit after I have pummeled your smug, little, pig face. Ever seen Fight Club? Yeah, bitch, that'll be you.
In closing, I would like you to know that I still love you. I kinda want to beat your ass a little still, but I do love you. You have pulled me out of some rough spots and I will never forget that. I hope that we will always be the best of friends.
Your Forever Lover,
ApparentlyATotalB
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