Thanks For Your Help, Douchebag

I am making some new rules for people to live by.  Why?  Because I think that there are some things people do that they shouldn't.  These are things that anyone with common sense would automatically NOT do, but apparently, some people need a rule.  And because they bother me.  And I count more than anyone in the world because I am the most important. 

1.  If you have a hairy back and you feel that it is necessary to wear a tank top, for whatever reason, please, I beg of you, shave or wax your back.  Just do it.  Seriously.  Also, think about doing the legs too if you are wearing running shorts that show most of your ass.  Thank you, and America thanks you.

2.  When you are shopping for cologne or perfume, make sure that the scent you pick out can not in any way, shape or form be mistaken for the scent that is used in a Porta Potty to mask the smell of piss and shit.  If you think that there is even a tiny possibility that it could, walk on by.  There are plenty of other colognes out there that do not. 

3.  If someone asks you a question, like let's say, "Is that coffee place open across the street?", and you think their question is stupid because it is 6:30 a.m. on a Sunday, keep it to your fucking self.  Maybe they live in the country where everything opens at 2 on Sundays and they aren't used to the fancy, big city.  Also, maybe they are not used to getting up at 4:30 in the morning and didn't think about the fact that it was Sunday or so early.  And hey, if you are going to make fun of their idiocy, could you at least have the decency to tell them what IS open, because there were plenty of other places that were, you fucking DOUCHE.  But thank you to the nice lady who DID offer me some information.  I wouldn't want to seem ungrateful.

Anyway...moving on.

4.  If you do work in said coffee shop and have to be there on a Sunday at some redonkulous time, try to have a smile on your face.  Try to be helpful.  And seriously?  Move the fuck out of the way so the customers can see what kind of bagels you are offering.  "What kind of bagel do you want?  Oh, I am not going to move.  I am just going to STAND HERE IN YOUR WAY."  Look, no one wants to be up at that hour.  Even me, and I was doing something fun!!  So just...yeah.  Get it together and be happy to have a job.  Many people do not. 

So, that's all I got right now, but I am sure I will be adding to my list.  It's not hard to find new rules when you are so easily irritated by people.  And by people, I mean others.  To be continued...