I have these things that annoy the shit out of me and the fact that they annoy me actually irritates me. I am pretty positive that if others knew the intensity of my feelings then they too would be irritated by me and try their hardest to lose me as a friend. Or, maybe my friends DO know this about me and are just trying to be nice. "Awwww, look at that pathetic girl and her neurosis." Maybe. Back to the subject at hand. They are just little things that should not make the least bit of difference in the grand scheme of things, but I find myself highly bothered by them and try to control myself the best I can. I will be the first to admit that it is quite anal and on the verge of OCD, but really, they are important and I can't seem to figure out why. Now, this does not mean that I am an especially neat person. I am sooooo not. And it doesn't have anything to do with me being overly clean or anything. I mean, I am clean, but just normal clean. You know, I shower and everything (usually), but I am not a fucking freak about it. In fact, the shorter the shower the better. So anyway, these things. It doesn't matter who does it, I always find it annoying. It could be my husband, my kids, my mother, the dog down the street. Also, it doesn't even really have to happen in my own home necessarily, it just needs to occur and I am a raging lunatic inside. For example, I absolutely CAN'T STAND when cabinet doors are left open, letting their contents be known. It could be the cleanest, most sterile cabinet in the world. They could look like you could perform surgery up in that bitch. It doesn't matter. If the door is gaping open I want to throw hammers at people. And I HAVE to shut them. Like if I don't, something bad is going to happen. And by something bad, I mean I am going to go on a murdering rampage with a battle axe and spend the rest of my days rotting in a prison cell. Even when I shut the doors I want to slam them shut in the most passive aggressive way possible to let everyone know, "This is FUCKING ANNOYING ME!!". But, I keep control by reminding myself that it is me, not them, that has the issue.
Another example would be the way I feel about a made bed. Please, PLEASE do not sit on a made bed. PLEASE!!!! If it is unmade, I really couldn't care less. Sit on it, roll in it, take a dump on it. Once it's made though, you best keep your hands and your ass off!! The comforter gets all jacked up with a huge butt spot. The pillows become crooked and lean the wrong way. The sheets start to come out from under the bed where they were originally tucked so neatly. This makes me want to spit nails at the person sitting on the beautifully made bed. Of course I wouldn't do that because then blood would get all over the sheets and shit, only fueling my rage and contempt.
Okay, this one is kinda like the cabinet doors, but on a different level. Are people against closing shower curtains? Like seriously? I mean, they are not just for keeping water in the tub. They are also for making a bathroom look presentable. Nobody wants to see a grimy ass tub with the with water stains and pubic hair left over from the previous shower. Okay, maybe some people do, but NOT ME!! CLOSEIT!CLOSEIT!CLOSEIT! Is it really so hard? No, it's fabric. Just one swipe of the hand and, VOILA!! Done! I swear, one day it is going to cause me to take the shower curtain and wrap someone's dead body in it so I can throw them in a ditch somewhere. Of course, I would only do that if I had a back up shower curtain to insure that the tub would not be standing naked in the bathroom. We couldn't have that now, could we?
This last thing (not really the last thing because there are many, many others. Just the last I will share.) really takes the fucking cake. I absolutely, positively, under any circumstances can not have toilet paper on the holder with the paper rolling under. It must come over the top. Do you hear me?? MUST COME OVER THE TOP. The reason that I find this one particularly disturbing is that it doesn't make me angry, it doesn't make me want to murder, it doesn't even make me want to scream. But...it makes me feel out of sorts. Like nothing is right in the world. And I have to fix it. This would be fine in my own house, but even when I am at someone else's house, even if it is someone I don't know that well, I have the impulse to turn the toilet paper the "right" way. And you can bet your ass I act on that impulse. Then, once I have "fixed" it, I pat myself on the back and think of how lucky my friends are to have someone like me to help them out. Because where would they be if no one was there to properly install their toilet paper?
Now I know that these little oddities about myself are not really that weird. Well, yes they are, but everyone has their stuff. I just wonder why, if I had to be so anal about stuff, it couldn't be about cleaning my house, folding laundry, cleaning my car out before it looks like a toy store threw up, ate the throw up and then shit the remaining toys out. Those things I could totally get on board with, but this shit? Come on!! Oh, wait, now I remember why. Because I am lazy and would prefer to post on my blog or read a book or be doing something really easy like closing a cabinet door.
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