I Never Learned To Play Hopscotch

Actually, that's not true.  I totally knew how to play hopscotch.  Along with kickball, dodge ball, and jump rope. What I absolutely did not ever learn how to do, and always wanted to, is double dutch.  That shit was fucking AMAZING!!!  So jealous of all the little fuckers that knew how to do that shit.

I would love to try to learn how to double dutch now.  I could totally see myself as a middle aged woman trying to maneuver that crap, tripping over the ropes, as well as my skin apron and sagging breasts.  It.Would.Rock.  My kids would skulk away, completely embarrassed to have such a pathetic mother.  Actually, I know my kids and they would embrace me making a fool of myself.  They love it when I act like a dumbass.  They think it is HILARIOUS.  Not sure if it is because they like to be silly, or if it is because they just want to see me act a fool.  Oh well, as long as they are happy.  Little bastards.

There are so many things I would have loved to know how to do as a kid.  Back handsprings, high dive, triple lutz.  I could have been an Olympic long distance runner, an astronaut, a successful lawyer, or an underwater basket weaver.  I could have been awesome...I could BE awesome.  Sadly, I never learned those things, whether it be from lack of motivation, low self esteem, or just no guidance and support, I will never know.

Fortunately, I am not one to dwell too much on the past.  While there are many things I will never become, there are many more things that I can become, and some things that I already have become.  I am a wife and a mother.  I am a friend, a confidante, a stress reliever.  I am funny, smart, sarcastic, silly, and at times, I can be a real fucking bitchass.  I am a woman.  All I can try to do now is make sure that I let my children know, if they work hard enough and want something with all their hearts, they can accomplish ANYTHING.  In the meantime, I am going to try to find someone who can teach me to double Dutch.  Specifically someone who will not laugh at me when I trip on my left breast.